Why I’m Afraid of Turning 40 (And Why That’s Actually Okay)
I will be straight with you right from the start; I am terrified of turning 40.
There, I said it. For months, I’ve been wrestling with this overwhelming flood of emotions. Ranging from panic, resistance, and this nagging feeling that I’m somehow running out of time. You know that feeling, right? That single loud voice in my head telling me “You should have done more by now. You should be further along. You should have it all figured out.”
But here’s what I’m learning about personal growth and self-acceptance, dealing with motherhood and learning to be okay with the cards life has dealt me. It’s okay to be right where I am! Much as I wish I could be in a different place, it’s still perfectly alright to be exactly where I am. My life is not over at 40.
The Midlife Crisis Nobody Talks About
I was familiar with the typical perspective of midlife crisis. The sports car and a poorly thought-through tattoo. But what about the quieter crisis? The one where you look in the mirror and wonder where the time went. The one where you question every decision that led you to this exact moment.
I’ve spent the last year in what I can only describe as a personal development journey that I didn’t sign up for. And somewhere between scrolling through social media seeing everyone’s highlight reels and comparing myself to where I thought I’d be, I lost sight of something crucial: I had the power to turn this into anything I choose. It could be an ending, but it could also be my fresh start.
The Shift: From Fear to Gratitude
You want to know what changed everything for me? It was a simple thought that hit me during a particularly rough night: Not everyone gets to turn 40!
Suddenly, my fear of aging transformed into something else entirely when i sat and thought about how privileged I am to be spying gray hairs. The honor to have been young and foolish, and now older and hopefully less foolish. The deep gratitude to still be here. Every birthday, every new milestone has been a chance to simply be. And while forty was undoubtedly jarring, it still remains a gift. My growth, my personal development, does not end at 40.
Why Starting Over at 40 is Actually a Superpower
Here’s something nobody told me in my twenties: starting over at 40 comes with advantages that younger-me never had.
At 40, you know yourself. You’ve failed enough times to know that failure isn’t fatal. You’ve loved, lost, learned, and lived through things that built character you didn’t even know you were developing. This is the self-discovery that only comes with time.
The Gifts of Turning 40:
You stop caring what people think. Seriously. That constant worry about others’ opinions? It fades! Disappears; GONE! You realize that living authentically matters more than living up to anyone else’s expectations. This is emotional freedom at its fin
At 40, you know your worth. In your younger years, you’ve probably spent too much time undervaluing yourself. But something shifts. At this point in your life, you are confident to start setting boundaries. Saying no doesn’t throw you off anymore. At 40, you have begun to build the self-confidence that comes from knowing exactly who you are and what you bring to the table.
Suddenly, you understand that it’s never too late. Whether it’s a career change, a new relationship, learning a new skill, or finally pursuing that dream, 40 gives you perspective. You’ve seen enough life to know that transformation is always possible.
Your resilience is unmatched. You’ve weathered storms. You’ve survived things you thought would break you. That’s not something to dismiss—that’s your superpower.
Reframing the Narrative: This is Your Second Act
I used to think life happened in a linear progression; you grow up, establish yourself, peak somewhere in your thirties, and then it’s all downhill from there. What a limiting belief that was.
The truth about personal development is that life isn’t linear at all. It’s cyclical. It’s layered. It’s full of chapters, and guess what? Some of the best chapters are written in the second half.
Starting over at 40 isn’t admitting defeat. It’s choosing courage over comfort. It’s saying, “I’m not done yet. I’m not finished becoming who I’m meant to be.”
This is what self-empowerment looks like in real time.
Practical Steps for Embracing Your 40s
If you’re struggling with this transition like I am, here are some things that are helping me embrace this new decade:
- Practice gratitude. Keeping a perspective on the good that you’ve enjoyed thus far will change your mindset. Trust me.
- Let go of who you thought you’d be. Seriously. Grieve that version if you need to, then release it. The person you’re becoming is even better.
- Celebrate your wisdom. You’ve earned every lesson, every gray hair, every laugh line. These are badges of honor, not signs of decline.
- Redefine success on your terms. Success at 40 looks different than it did at 25, and that’s exactly how it should be.
- Invest in yourself. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, courses, or simply time alone—prioritize your personal growth and self-improvement.
The Bottom Line: This is Your Blessing
So yes, I’m still a little scared of turning 40. But I’m also excited. I’m also grateful. I’m also ready.
Because if I’ve learned anything on this self-awareness journey, it’s that the best parts of life don’t come from avoiding hard things—they come from embracing them.
Turning 40 is a blessing. It’s a second chance. It’s permission to start over, to reinvent yourself, to finally become who you’ve always been underneath all those expectations and fears.
And honestly? I can’t wait to see what this version of me is capable of.
What about you? How are you navigating your own transitions and transformations? Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.